Death on the Nile

Decidedly more electric than Murder on the Orient Express, but much sloppier. Can’t believe the “enough champagne to fill the nile” clip was unedited from the movie for the trailer, wild stuff. Had a good time at the theater 🥂

Death on the Nile has a prologue set in World War I, where a young Hercule Poirot is played by a digitally ‘de-aged’ Kenneth Branagh. Et tu, Kenneth? If you must do this, why not get a younger actor who looks likes Branagh? Or even one who doesn’t look like the Northern Irish writer/director/actor, so long as he looks like an actual human being; it’s safe to say that Branagh looks neither like himself nor like a member of the human race (he actually looks less grotesque after an explosion disfigures one side of his face). Again, this is only if you must do this – but then, you mustn’t do it, especially considering that this prologue exists only, and I kid you not, as an origin story for Poirot’s mustache. In order to catch up with Branagh’s current appearance, the character then ages some 40 years in the space of about two decades, and in the interim it’s the world around him that has received a digital facelift – in particular Egypt, whose entire topography and everything in it, including flora, fauna, bodies of water, architecture, historical landmarks, etc., etc., has been computer-generated, and very crudely at that. They should have called this Death on Denial, because based on the evidence of this movie, the Nile isn’t a river in Egypt – or a river at all, nor Egypt a place that bears any resemblance to any known landscape that can be found on planet Earth. As for the actual plot, who cares? It's impossible to believe in the existence of these characters as real persons because they're all clearly actors standing in front of green screens, and the "Death" of the title is rendered meaningless because it takes place in a lifeless world. Even an Agatha Christie murder mystery – nay, especially an Agatha Christie murder mystery demands a plausible backdrop, and in that sense a matte painting, rear projection, miniatures, any number indeed of practical special effects would offer a much more tangible setting for this story – the next best thing, as a matter of fact, to actually shooting on location (which admittedly is not always feasible).

**For a movie with death in the title, it takes way too long for the mystery to begin. Bore on the Nile.** Death on the Nile waits almost an hour into the movie before there is an actual death... a murder mystery that is focused much more on the shallow lives of its wealthy aristocrats rather than solving the murder mystery. The mystery is fairly stereotypical and easy to figure out. The film is dreadfully slow, making the 2 hour run time feel more like 3 hours. If you enjoyed Murder on the Orient Express, you would probably enjoy the expanded characterization of Kenneth Branagh's Hercule Poirot amidst the spectacular set pieces and wardrobe of the 1930s. Mix in superstar Gal Gadot and some other up-and-coming talented actors and Death on the Nile rises from absolute bore to tolerable. _As a total bonus - Kenneth Branagh's mustache in this movie is a work of art in and of itself! That thing is amazing!_